EDU-SHAM World Headquarters, Tierra del Fuego, June 27, 2002
L.C. Winner, dynamic info-ed entrepreneur, hailed what he called a "landmine ruling" of the U.S. Supreme Court that allows government funded vouchers for religious schools. The 5 to 4 decision in the case of Zelman vs. Simmons-Harris affirms that a school voucher program in Cleveland does not infringe upon the constitutional separation of church and state.
"This is just what EDU-SHAM, Inc. has been waiting for," L.C. observed. "We wholeheartedly agree with the Supreme Court and Bush administration that a speedy dismantling of the U.S. system of public education is exactly what the country needs. It's good to see those funds released for privatization."
Winner went on to say that his firm, already a major player in the digital/distance/learning/gaming industry was ready to introduce a host of APMs (Automatic Professor Machines) specifically tailored to the world's great religions.
"Soon we'll have APMs in all denominations," he exclaimed, "Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, Shaker - no child left behind! We'll price our religiously oriented, educational, on-line programs competitively, leaving conventional schools in the dust," he predicted.
When reporters asked which denomination he himself preferred, L.C. Winner declined to answer, but was overheard mumbling something about "50s and 100s."
At the press conference, EDU-SHAM also unveiled its a new product line, the ATM or Automatic Testing Machine, soon to appear throughout Homeland.
"As always, we are at the forefront
of trends in K-12 education," L.C. enthused. "The trend
now is away from education as such and towards testing as an end
in itself. This cuts out the middle man and makes the whole process
much more efficient. We agree with President George W. Bush that
testing, not teaching, is the wave of the future."