Press release:
Educational Smart Hardware Alma Mater, Inc.
Edu-Sham World Headquarters,
Tierra del Fuego, Patagonia

L.C. Winner Named "Distant Educator of the Year"

Washington, D.C.
August 27, 2001

At press conference today, Cedric Fentingmode, Chairman of the National Endowment for the Amenities, announced that L.C. Winner, C.E.O. of EDU-SHAM, Inc. had been named "Distant Educator of the Year" for 2001.

Fentingmode cited EDU-SHAM's pathbreaking innovations in "wired, global, networked, cognitive,  student-centered, just-in-time, learning technologies" as the main reason for the award.

"Especially significant is L.C.'s Winner's steadfast refusal to go anywhere near an actual, living student," Fentingmode observed.  "While other educational entrepreneurs continue to stress the 'learning' in the distance learning, Winner has shown that it's actually the 'distance' that matters."

In the late 1990s EDU-SHAM shocked its competitors by moving to Tierra del Fuego, many thousands of miles from customers in North American, Europe and Asia.  The firm's research demonstrates that geographical distance actually amplifies the amount of information an individual receives and improves its overall quality.

"By removing the destructive presence of teachers and professors from the learning experience, EDU-SHAM's programs have set new standards for education for the 21st century," Fentingmode enthused.

From his office in Patagonia, L.C. thanked the Endowment for the award and the recognition it represents.  "I'm happy to say that critics of our approach have finally been vanquished.  Quaint ideas about face-to-face teaching inherited from antiquity have no place in the dynamic education industry of the 21st century."

Although he remains active in research and development on educational products, L.C. has recently turned his firm's attention to other cutting-edge projects, including a "Home Missile Defense Shield" and a "Do-It-Yourself Human Cloning Kit."